Guess where I found the Christmas spirit? At the MALL.

Christmas.
For the past few years, that word has always had a bad taste in my mouth because it seemed like the epitome of materialism. Altruism and kindness are intangible gifts, but one has to admit that money is essential just to let loved ones know that "you wish them happy holidays, hope the best for them, how they're doing, etc" via cards, chocolates, etc. [Side note--I thought everyone was incorporating and sticking to saying "Happy Holidays" because not everyone celebrates it, respectively but it makes me happy to hear people say "Merry Christmas" :)] Also, celebrating Christmas (or any holiday) has NEVER been an ideal situation--eff you "Brady Bunch," my Christmas was never like that! In addition with the many disagreements combined with chaos, my family's financial situation didn't make things easier. It seems simple--just don't give things, or just make things! 1. I don't have that time lol and 2. Do you really just give someone a simple present when someone has given you a nice ass gift i.e. kitchen cutlery or a computer? I was quite envious of people who got that lavish Christmas--stockings (wtf?? people actually get PRESENTS and STOCKINGS??), wish lists, ridiculously expensive gifts for those who fucking have everything, and so on.

To sum it up, my feelings toward Christmas were an amalgamation toward past experiences. I'm not completed rid of these "ill" feelings, but something actually broke into my hard shell. I was working the day before Christmas in the early afternoon, and it surprisingly was not busy (not only do hella busy days at work tire me out, but hella busy days due to crazy-ass-gift-needing ppl do too!). Of course, any customers that did come in were doing some hella last minute shopping. I know, that should piss me off according to my "belief" system, but what softened my heart so was how all the customers that asked for my help told me everything they wanted from this gift. For example, this one dad wanted to get his mom a bebe jacket, but "she loves black, simple things, but she likes a little bling." That was touching how he knew his mom like that. Then, this husband told me how he wanted to get his wife a nice bebe top that he thought she would wear to work, which would go well with how she moved (i think she was a hair stylist?). And on top of that, everyone was just wishing "happy holidays" to everyone else...

How interesting. I found a bit of Christmas spirit at the mall.

Today is a prime time for blogging

Heute (or yesterday, because it is past midnight?) fuehlte ich zum Arbeit, as if I was in grade school again. So many childhood stereotypes that captured by adult women--there were the girls who were best friends, "Oh ja, dies Hemd ist fuer meine Freundin, ja meine Freudin, nur meine Freudin!" and the girl who seemed like she knew everything, and then almost all the girls were so into the"it-thing, whatever the hell that was which was jeder Person ging zur Disko vielleicht? Aber fuehlte ich in meine Herz das "I was IN" or "Ich bin kuhl," but on the outside, I looked like the newbie. You know, I was the pariah. And no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't squeeze my way in. I felt so isolated and alone. And for some reason, I guess that's why ich studierte so viel, als ich eine juenger Kind. I lack common sense and I could never understand what the hell everyone else was talking or making a fuss about, so I did the one thing I could do: study (or try my best at it). Und dann konnte ich besser sein. Sure, I could tell myself that "Ich bin mehr kuehl" weil ich habe meine eigenen apartment with drinks, but... iunno.

Arbeit has been really getting to me lately, and vielleicht I've figured out why? I'm so used to working hard (because remember, ima loner) and getting affirmation and ich bekomme keine affirmation of a job well done from work, not in the form of Woerter but in the form of bekomme mehr Geld oder eine andere title? Ja, ich weiss, I don't deserve it, but I guess I'm used to knowing HOW to achieve that goal, and it's just frustrating (just like my studies) how i think i try and try and TRY (sprinkled with a few dreams) and plop: that's my only result?

Affirmation. It's all about affirmation, including my affirmation with YOTTAY. JA OB DU MEINE WOERSTER VERSTEHEN KANNST, DANN LESEN DIESE: ich bin nicht mit "YOTTAY" (<--ueben deine Aussprache!!) jetzt.. This is all I've figured out for now: Verdammt, Sie aber stop facebooking me bitte. To be blunt, du brachst mein Herz. Ich weiss, das letze Februar wollte ich "a break" aber dann in Maerz sagte ich "ich will mit dir sein" because my misery of being "without you" outweighed my misery from our Probleme. Then it was good, then es war schlecht immer, und dann ich sagte "i will NICHT mit dir" because I thought we couldn't fix those Probleme, but then you said some words that made it seem like everything was alright, and that I should stop being pessimistic and get over it and so i finally did. And then du sagst, waehrend das Erntedankfest Wochende das "wir sollen erst Freunde sein." like i said, du brachst mein Herz... I finally got over the pessimism, and opened up (and it takes me forever to do that) and here we are..? Wir kannst nicht erst Freunde, verdammt! If we talk, it'll feel as if nothing changed which is obviously not true; therefore, das ist warum ich wollte nicht mit dir sprechen. I feel like a broken record, kinda. Ich habe eine verscheidene Antworte, if you want to come zurueck. You can't just "peace out" then komme zurueck easily--wo bist/warst du through all the shit in my life? And another thing, it pissed me off because this was not "eine kleine Dinge," aber vielleicht it seems like that because andere nicht sind auf meine Schuhe...

Schiesse. I side tracked, but I needed to get it out. My point with YOTTAY and affirmation... with you, no matter how shitty things got, I could always some how sleep a little easier at night weil du in meine Gedanken warst...

I need some affirmation in my life.

College relationships, revisted at least 230 times

For those who have been there, the term "college relationships" recall feelings of frustration, sadness, pain, guilt, exasperation, or whatever the hell you want to call it. I'm still a newbie at experiencing as well as observing others, but you can't deny you feel one or more of the following things:

*You want to break up because you're in college, aka the best four years of your life. time to experiment and not tie yourself down!

*You're dating an amazing person, but she's the marrying type. what about that experimentation!?

*I can't deal with the distance, I want them here.

*I can't deal with school AND a relationship

*Even if school and distance are not an issue, I don't want to try anymore. Let's move on. It's over.

*There has to be someone else out there for me

aaand last but not least:
*I still want to be with you.


Myself, personally? I've felt every single one of those, and I've been chilling with the last one for almost 2 and 1/2 years. Yes, I am one of those seemingly crazy people who has been in a relationship that has gone on forever (while in college). I am also one of those annoying ppl in school who will poke and prod you and ask what your answers are and how you deducted those answers, just to make sure we're on the same page. And that's why I'm writing this--because there are times i DON'T feel like I'm on the same page with everyone else, because I know there are other couples. Half of them can do this, and half of them can't, and it just brings me down because I hear too many cases of the half that CAN'T, which just increases statistics.

POO!

a preview to my fall quarter

Dammit, if only I blogged more I would have short & more interesting blogs; thus, interesting titles! Oh well, here goes the highlights of the quarter thus far...

On my first day of school, while waiting for the bus, I encountered a Jehovah's witness, and I was bitching her out in my mind.

Later that week, while watching TV with mel, I analyzed the components of frats and gangs...

Throughout the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc week, I am on a roller coaster of emotions (and it's not just Aunt Flo...)--I can see why "growing up," being on your own, or just being an adult can be so frustrating. I know this sounds stupid, but it's such a pain in the ass to think "wtf am i going to make for dinner?" Also, i know i feel like i've longed for the moment to free from my "the reign of parents," but at the same time, i've only lived with them, and it feels so weird to not be sitting down to eat dinner with them, or hear about their day, or hear them snoring in the living room haha. Call me a homesick sap, but I'm just appreciating them I guess... On top of that, school is incredibly frustrating.

Oh yeah, this blog is a temporary home to the HC!

Sorry to say, but mel and I are pathetically car-less, and I call village cab way too much. On this one occassion, I called Village Cab to find out that they were running late, and I was suggested to call Friendly Cab. The latter is notoriously ghetto, but nonetheless I called; however, they did not perform up to par as my previous trips with Village. So, I call Village back up and Village barely beats Friendly. Friendly is PISSED, and minutes later I feel the car/driver is stalking us. Guess what? The driver for Friendly is an ex-convict!

...iiii know :\

So you're pretty much updated on my life for now. Until later...

The beginning of an amazing year: the rule of LauYee

As we say good-bye to an unforgettable year (as well as our unforgettable seniors), we welcome returning and new students to Na Keiki 'O Hawai'i!

Let's laugh at Britney Spears?

No. Let's not.

I have to admit, I have been for the past few days but now I regret this... I only hope this one spreads like fire

http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x2yk69_leave-britney-alone-lol_fun

I don't find it funny at all; this person is completely right.

Dear College Freshmen

Whoever said high school was the best four years of your life never went to college, or so Mr. Swank said. It must be heart-shattering to hear that, considering your departure from senior year, “the best year of your life,” but trust me, high school was not life. It may have seemed like the center of universe, but if anything, high school was a teenage soap opera. There’s more to high school. Life only gets better.

Welcome to this transition from your bubbled high school days to the real world.
Welcome to college.

Let me define college: it is not considered taking collegiate courses as a high school student, or going to a JC like Foothill or De Anza. Nor is it defined as going to a university and living at home. Apologies to those that I may offend with my definition, but truthfully, it's all about moving away, getting out of your comfort zone and seeing what THE WORLD HAS TO OFFER.

College isn’t for everyone (academically and financially speaking), yet it seems everyone should go to college (thinking merely of the experience).

Tom Petty puts it the best, “You have four years to be irresponsible here. Relax. Work is for people with jobs. You'll never remember class time, but you'll remember time you wasted hanging out with your friends. So, stay out late. Go out on a Tuesday with your friends when you have a paper due Wednesday. Spend money you don't have. Drink 'til sunrise. The work never ends, but college does...”

My sister calls going to college a type of “balancing” act. Go ahead and have fun (as Tom Petty so eloquently put it), but don’t forget to get that education. This is perhaps your last chance to study hard (or hardly study?) while someone else foots the bill. To put it bluntly—don’t fuck up and flunk out.

College is more than one big party. It’s an opportunity to attain some higher-level education. Don’t you hope to have an intellectual conversation about the filial piety issues in Asian-American families with someone other than your professor? Oh, and don’t forget about getting that coveted college degree. Getting a degree is the modern high school diploma—it’s that essential.

Cherish this opportunity. It’ll be hard, but I believe you have what to takes to succeed (otherwise, how did you get to college?). However, after numerous rounds of midterms and finals, you’ll be so sick of school. Perhaps you’ll feel ambitious enough to quit school and take on a job full-time. And by the time you work your first month of 40-hour weeks, you’ll be begging for those school days.

Appreciate your student status, versus that of an employee in the real world. Students possess the ability to ditch class for the pool or an on-campus concert, but irresponsible employees who act the same can kiss their job good-bye. You can mess up on a midterm, but you can’t mess up on an important project at work.

So sit back, take a shot, and read that chapter of PoliSci. A great adventure awaits you.

SOPHOMORES (and older), don’t you agree?

19.

To be blunt, my birthday has always been my favorite holiday, for the obvious reason that everyone is celebrating ME. duh. And this year I made it stretch out like halloweeny: although it was on a Thursday, it started with an amazing evening with my sister (she took me to a nice sushi place in Downtown San Jose, then dessert at Il Fornaio. Mmm). Then work at Charlotte Russe on Tuesday. Then dinner at Los Altos Grill on Wednesday (check out my review on Yelp). Then the official day! Visits from b, joostin, ashleigh, & mata. Oh goodness, work was hell. Not only did I experience the wrath of some angry customer, some other customer's bratty pissed in the fitting room. >.<

So yes, let it be declared throughout the land that my birthday will be at least a three-day event. That's all.

ps--OMG I'M CRAVING PAPA BEARD CREAM PUFFS!! Ergh... I need someone to take me to the city...

Welcome to my thoughts.

When I was little I used to get deathly scared whenever I thought of the future. I just couldn't handle thinking those thoughts. I might've even contemplated ending things short because the future seemed like a scary place (Good thing my optimistic side kept me from going down that path, and kept me here on earth).

I'm still scared of the future, minus possible violent reactions. The world is revealing its ugliness to me, but my optimistic side is trying to show me everything good that life has to offer.

Dammit. I'm growing up. I'm even typing properly [trippy...]! Well, almost haha. I don't know, I may seem different on the outside, but I'm still the same on the inside, but with a bit more wisdom. I'm still goofy, aloof at times, stupid, innocent, humorous, and scared. I may seem confident and bad-ass at sometimes, but that's just me test-driving arrogance (On a side note, whenever my arrogant/confident side comes out, something always happens that makes me humble again. What a nice slap in the face haha).

So again, welcome to my thoughts. Wilkommen zu meinem Kopf (?). Caution: May be an emotional or extremely bumpy ride at times.

ps--I didn't give xanga my two weeks. I said my goodbyes to my beloved xanga, or my beloved high-school years (Pssh you know that's what xanga really was, a blogspot for teeny-boppers :P). It's never good-bye; we'll meet again.

Wow I've been sucked into the beginning of adulthood and blogspot.

*kris