I've never wanted something so badly that I can't have right now.
Pete Wentz & Heath Ledger (rest in peace...) are so fine, but a man like that is just eine Verliebtheit...
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Sunday, January 13, 2008
New Year's Resolutions (und ehemalige Probleme)
A bit delayed, I know, but they had to coincide with the beginning of the quarter!
1. Focus on me. I need selfish time
2. Use my credit card less. Like, a LOT less.
3. Get on that road to independence, figuratively AND literally.
4. Try to reconnect with old friends
5. Less energy drinks!
6. Run over past fears.
7. Focus on me. It's all about me.
This list will continue! :)
DU bist so ein Problem!! I don't like to be so definitive about things, but ich will nicht dich zu sehen. Ja, whatevskis, "Ich habe keine offen Kopf," aber du bringst mir durcheinander and I don't need that. Ja, und ich sah die Bilder! Whateveskis, go and bond mit meine letze Freund ueber wie ich handele romantische Bindungen, aber ich sorge nicht. Ich hoffe, dass meine Liebe auf Kleiddungstuecke dich zu abloesen werde. Shallow, yes, but I need it zu abfuellen das Drecksloch im Herz.
Ja ich hatte die selbe Haftungen, aber ich dachte, dass du nie die Woerter sagen wollte...
vielleicht 8. Practice German?
1. Focus on me. I need selfish time
2. Use my credit card less. Like, a LOT less.
3. Get on that road to independence, figuratively AND literally.
4. Try to reconnect with old friends
5. Less energy drinks!
6. Run over past fears.
7. Focus on me. It's all about me.
This list will continue! :)
DU bist so ein Problem!! I don't like to be so definitive about things, but ich will nicht dich zu sehen. Ja, whatevskis, "Ich habe keine offen Kopf," aber du bringst mir durcheinander and I don't need that. Ja, und ich sah die Bilder! Whateveskis, go and bond mit meine letze Freund ueber wie ich handele romantische Bindungen, aber ich sorge nicht. Ich hoffe, dass meine Liebe auf Kleiddungstuecke dich zu abloesen werde. Shallow, yes, but I need it zu abfuellen das Drecksloch im Herz.
Ja ich hatte die selbe Haftungen, aber ich dachte, dass du nie die Woerter sagen wollte...
vielleicht 8. Practice German?
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Eulogies
I have a thing against eulogies, just like I have a thing against Rachael Ray, but that's another story. It bothers me that after people pass away, those who survive them only speak about the good that they did. It makes sense it only speak about the good, I mean, why would you want to tarnish the name of the deceased? But still, I feel like it's not acknowledging the pink elephant in the room. I just feel like some eulogies are white lies, but I'm not stating that in the title because I don't feel that is applicable to ALL eulogies, just some, so if you've written or read a eulogy, please don't attack me, just hear me out.
My grandma Belen (her real name was Avelina, I don't understand how the hell we got "Belen") passed away on 12/30/07, and her memorial mass/service was on January 5th. One of my cousins prepared a nice recollection on her last few days (on her zeal for living), and my sister and my mom had the courage to stand up, say a few words (although teary), and have their peace. I refused to go up because of my "belief," and I was just a crying mess, but good thing my cousin Vince went up there. Sorry to play favoritism, but I liked his speech a lot, and my dad agrees with me, because it was honest. He said how he was close to my grandma, but it's a bit hard to testify to that since he moved around a lot, and he made a point not to lose touch with your relatives, because it's such a shame when there's a disconnect, and the next time you meet are at events like funerals. I LOVED his words. Perhaps others might think that "at a eulogy you should only speak of the good, and not take this time to lecture people," but no fuck that, that's why I loved his words even more, because we were receiving the TRUTH at a vulnerable time, and we can't run anywhere but listen and accept. I would compare those words to lemon juice on a wound, but his words were not acidic like that.
Of course, I wish a little that I had spoken some words, but I knew that I was far too emotional to say anything decent. I'm a bit more composed, and here's what I would say:
"Every time my grandma got a visit at the nursing home, she always looked so happy, whether it was me visiting, or my sister, or my auntie aida and family. But... that was the only time she ever looked happy. To be honest, my grandma seemed kinda bitter in her old age. I can kinda see why--to raise four freakin kids as best as she could, to live her adult life without companionship (my grandpa freakin left her... JERK.), to have the courage to move out of your comfortable bubble that has been the Philippines for the past 50 years and finally get to this country called "America," and so on. I don't remember the last thing she said to me, but I remembered that whenever I tried to sit and have a nice conversation with her, the only thing she'd tell me was "how difficult it is to be old." (and im a little scared by what she told me) I mean, what am I supposed to say to that? I can't say "I know" because I'm 19, I'm nowhere near 85! But if she was really that bitter about life, I don't think she would have lived as long as she did. My grandma is 85 years old and still a cutie. Actually, she's quite gorgeous. Maybe I shouldn't characterize her completely as bitter, because my cousin Isaiah was right, she did have gusto on occassion.
So that's my grandma--an aged and seemingly-bitter woman, with the mindset of someone born and raised in the Philippines, and had gusto for checking out Ross and perusing the jewelry section. Maybe that's not the way I should be describing my grandma, but that sounds like a woman who had a life well-traveled. It may have not been easy, but it was interesting, to say the least. I wish you could've seen my grandma's face the morning she passed, because she looked SO peaceful... she looked like she was sleepinG. (i thought she would wake up, but I was wrong, haha). she looked like she had a good life here with us. i hope she's enjoying time up there."
If you must comment, please don't give your condolences--my grandma was at peace, and that makes me happy for her.
My grandma Belen (her real name was Avelina, I don't understand how the hell we got "Belen") passed away on 12/30/07, and her memorial mass/service was on January 5th. One of my cousins prepared a nice recollection on her last few days (on her zeal for living), and my sister and my mom had the courage to stand up, say a few words (although teary), and have their peace. I refused to go up because of my "belief," and I was just a crying mess, but good thing my cousin Vince went up there. Sorry to play favoritism, but I liked his speech a lot, and my dad agrees with me, because it was honest. He said how he was close to my grandma, but it's a bit hard to testify to that since he moved around a lot, and he made a point not to lose touch with your relatives, because it's such a shame when there's a disconnect, and the next time you meet are at events like funerals. I LOVED his words. Perhaps others might think that "at a eulogy you should only speak of the good, and not take this time to lecture people," but no fuck that, that's why I loved his words even more, because we were receiving the TRUTH at a vulnerable time, and we can't run anywhere but listen and accept. I would compare those words to lemon juice on a wound, but his words were not acidic like that.
Of course, I wish a little that I had spoken some words, but I knew that I was far too emotional to say anything decent. I'm a bit more composed, and here's what I would say:
"Every time my grandma got a visit at the nursing home, she always looked so happy, whether it was me visiting, or my sister, or my auntie aida and family. But... that was the only time she ever looked happy. To be honest, my grandma seemed kinda bitter in her old age. I can kinda see why--to raise four freakin kids as best as she could, to live her adult life without companionship (my grandpa freakin left her... JERK.), to have the courage to move out of your comfortable bubble that has been the Philippines for the past 50 years and finally get to this country called "America," and so on. I don't remember the last thing she said to me, but I remembered that whenever I tried to sit and have a nice conversation with her, the only thing she'd tell me was "how difficult it is to be old." (and im a little scared by what she told me) I mean, what am I supposed to say to that? I can't say "I know" because I'm 19, I'm nowhere near 85! But if she was really that bitter about life, I don't think she would have lived as long as she did. My grandma is 85 years old and still a cutie. Actually, she's quite gorgeous. Maybe I shouldn't characterize her completely as bitter, because my cousin Isaiah was right, she did have gusto on occassion.
So that's my grandma--an aged and seemingly-bitter woman, with the mindset of someone born and raised in the Philippines, and had gusto for checking out Ross and perusing the jewelry section. Maybe that's not the way I should be describing my grandma, but that sounds like a woman who had a life well-traveled. It may have not been easy, but it was interesting, to say the least. I wish you could've seen my grandma's face the morning she passed, because she looked SO peaceful... she looked like she was sleepinG. (i thought she would wake up, but I was wrong, haha). she looked like she had a good life here with us. i hope she's enjoying time up there."
If you must comment, please don't give your condolences--my grandma was at peace, and that makes me happy for her.
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