I've figured out why I hate holidays

For as long as I can remember, I've hated holidays. Why? Because holidays are usually occasion for family gatherings, and my family hates each other. Then why not just stay with immediate family, you ask? Because they hate each other, too! No, it's not just a "I-can't-stand-her-talking-with-them" kind of hate, but an actual "let's argue because I don't like you or anything you do." And it's funny, because the only time we have a "family reunion" and reflect and ignore our trivial differences for a moment is when someone dies. Real mature, guys!

Holidays are such a big let down. Eff you Brady Bunch, for giving me expectations during my childhood that everyone would be happy and just forget about their problems and understand the "spirit of Christmas" or the "nationalism behind the 4th of July."

And every year I stay with my family as hope that maybe, just maybe, this year will be different. No, fuck that.

So why am I writing this right now? Because I just realized/found out that Sunday is Easter, and that's the day I'm coming home back to the bay. However, the earliest train (that I know I will definitely catch without sleeping in too much) will get me there by 3pm, well after Mass with my mom and Brunch festivities with my parents. The thought of missing that made me sad... for a couple of seconds. My latest update is that they don't understand each other, to say the least.
Spring break back in the bay is starting to stress me out more than finals.


That's why I like my birthday. Just celebrate me, bitches.

Aaliyah knows best

I Miss You--Aaliayah

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57AjGfKtIuE

It's been too long and I'm lost without you
What am I gonna do?
Said I been needin' you, wantin' you
(Said I need you)
Wonderin' if you're the same and who's been with you
Is your heart still mine?
I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you

Off to college
Since you went away
Straight from high school
You up and left me
We were close friends
Also lovers
Did everything
For one another
Now you're gone and I'm lost without you here now
But I know I gotta live and make it somehow
Come back...to me
Can you...feel me (Callin')
Hear me...callin' (For you)
For you...'Cause it's


It's been too long and I'm lost without you
What am I gonna do?
Said I been needin' you, wantin' you
Wonderin' if you're the same and who's been with you
Is your heart still mine?
I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you


Now I'm sittin' here
Thinkin' 'bout you
And the days we used to share
It's drivin' me crazy
I don't know what to do
I'm just wonderin' if you still care
I don't wanna let you know
That it's killin' me
I know you got another life you gotta concentrate baby
Come back...to me
Can you...feel me (Callin')
Hear me...callin' (For you)
For you...'Cause it's

It's been too long and I'm lost without you
What am I gonna do?
Said I been needin' you, wantin' you
Wonderin' if you're the same and who's been with you
Is your heart still mine?
I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you


I...can't...breathe...no...more
Since you went away I
Don't really feel like talkin'
No one here to love me
Baby do you understand me
I can't do or be without you


It's been too long and I'm lost without you
(Tell me what I'm gonna do)
What am I gonna do?
Said I been needin' you, wantin' you
Wonderin' if you're the same and who's been with you
Is your heart still mine?
I wanna cry sometimes
I miss you

On the verge of breakdown #5

I could exaggerate and say that this is breakdown #1878934, but I'll keep it simple and honest by saying number five. How do I know that this is my fifth breakdown? Because I have one every quarter ever since I entered this institution called "college." There are ups and downs to everything, and the "ups" to college are numerous , but the "downs" are severe.

I can feel it, I'm on the verge of breakdown for this quarter. Fuck school. Yeah, just like Dane Cook says "Fuck shoes!", I say "fuck school!" (On a side note--I should stop swearing so much. Apologies to the Hawaii Club and my roommate). I'm feeling burnt out, and I still have three weeks left (I'm a broken record saying that, but it's true)!

I wish I could go home for the weekend, but doing so would just amplify the situation, for the worse. I would lose time on traveling (even if it is just for two hours) AND all the shizz I need to do for HC and classes!! AHH just thinking about that stresses me out.

The most frustrating thing about every quarter is that I [feel I or try to] do so much but it never is enough!! If I'm not worrying about one thing, I'm worrying about another. As of right now, I know in which direction I want my college career to veer toward. Also, I know what I need to do in order to get there, but the problem is i'm not doing it. I'm hustling, and trying to organize, and focus, and study but it's just not ENOUGH! Focusing is the hardest thing ever... :\ I love being a student, and I love learning, but honestly, I think everyone has a bit of ADD in them after being in school for over 16 years...

Sure, I could cut extracurricular activities out, but I think its those events that keep me SANE. You can't expect me to just stay in my room all day and study. Who the fuck does that?! Not me! (I'm sorry if that statements offends people who do that... I bet your grades are much, MUCH better than mine.)

Poo on you school.

[Side note--I find it funny that, as I type this in King Lounge as I obviously procrastinate on homework, people are attempting to study and falling asleep all around me haha]