Was blocking him out of my life really the best course of action to take? I don't want to lose him, but I can't see him as anything else than what he used to be. Hah, keyword: used to. I thought by blocking him and everything out of my life, I could move on and then start anew, but it has never worked. I still think about him everyday. I'm still living in the past, addicted to this fantasy and reinforcing it. Like a drug addict, songs and pictures reinforce this feeling.
No matter how hard I try to convince myself how good life is (and it IS--I'm content with how much I've grown with my mentality toward school, how I'm trying to mend other friendships, and definitely content with my Apple internship right now), I feel like nothing really is. They say "you don't know what you have 'til it's gone," and I fully knew that from the beginning, but why haven't I found something to replace it yet?
So the answer is "no," I haven't moved on yet. And my futile attempts to block you from my thoughts and erase my memories of you have backfired on me, yet sped up the process of moving on for you. I'm holding out, optimistic that one day... One day... I don't know. What the hell am I holding out for? I'm too scared to make any move!
I don't want to lose you, but I think I already did. [I fucked up. Big time]
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EDIT:
In the words of my fav El Sal-va-do-re-an: "Whateves, I'm over it."
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