i'm wrong... as always

Was blocking him out of my life really the best course of action to take? I don't want to lose him, but I can't see him as anything else than what he used to be. Hah, keyword: used to. I thought by blocking him and everything out of my life, I could move on and then start anew, but it has never worked. I still think about him everyday. I'm still living in the past, addicted to this fantasy and reinforcing it. Like a drug addict, songs and pictures reinforce this feeling.

No matter how hard I try to convince myself how good life is (and it IS--I'm content with how much I've grown with my mentality toward school, how I'm trying to mend other friendships, and definitely content with my Apple internship right now), I feel like nothing really is. They say "you don't know what you have 'til it's gone," and I fully knew that from the beginning, but why haven't I found something to replace it yet?

So the answer is "no," I haven't moved on yet. And my futile attempts to block you from my thoughts and erase my memories of you have backfired on me, yet sped up the process of moving on for you. I'm holding out, optimistic that one day... One day... I don't know. What the hell am I holding out for? I'm too scared to make any move!

I don't want to lose you, but I think I already did. [I fucked up. Big time]

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EDIT:
In the words of my fav El Sal-va-do-re-an: "Whateves, I'm over it."

summer '08: solo

My horoscope from July's Glamour issue: "Solo is a good four-letter word right now."

One-third of my summer is over, and I'm getting everything I'm wanted...
Initially, I was going to take the summer off to relax, undo this burned-out feeling that I get every quarter, and be free from school or work-related obligations (i.e sitting on my ass), but my crazy I-bite-more-than-I-can-chew attitude (and my roommate) motivated me to apply for the Apple internship and well, here I am.

Like I said, I'm getting everything I wanted out of this summer. It's not easy, but I'm content. "Solo" is the best word to describe my current state, because I'm free of any distractions--I'm just focusing on myself. Training has been a little hard, but other than that, it has been AMAZING. It's a crime how much fun my coworkers and I have!! I'm definitely practicing my driving since I have to drive 25-40 minutes (depending on how fast I go) every morning around 6am across 3 different freeways. Rawr. lol

School is eh, I need to focus more obviously but I'm just chilling because it's an online JC course haha. I'm trying my best to take time out to see friends and mend friendships (but that's only here, I have yet to go back home).

I'm changing, and it's for the better (I think). My simplest transformation? Eating less, exercising more, and switching from Mozilla to Safari. Sorry Mozilla ::rubs computer screen::

"One Step At A Time"--Jordin Sparks